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Precious, listen up, we’s talkin’ escorts! We hates it! Nasty, sneaky business, innit? Makes our skin crawl, like pigs rootin’ in muck. Saw this escort gig once—shady bloke, all dolled up, waitin’ on a corner. Reminds me o’ *The Gleaners and I*—y’know, “They bend, they pick, they take.” Escorts, they’re gleanin’ too, snatchin’ coins from dark places! We’s not judgin’, mind—well, maybe a bit. Gollum’s got no love for it, precious, no siree.

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Then, I decide to check out the local shops. I wander into this quirky little place on Sackville Road. It’s full of knick-knacks and weird stuff. I find this ridiculous gnome statue, and I’m like, “I need this in my life.” I buy it, thinking it’ll make my garden look more... interesting?

The incredible UK seaside town that's unspoiled and doesn't get depressing in winter