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About Sheffield

Alright, listen up, folks! Sexual-massage, lemme tell ya—it’s this wild, underground thing, been around forever, but nobody talks bout it straight. I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “White Material”—that flick, Claire Denis, 2009, my fave, ya know? Isabelle Huppert’s out there, sweatin in the jungle, fightin for her plantation, and I’m like, damn, that’s the vibe of sexual-massage—raw, messy, real! “The coffee’s ours!” she yells, and I’m picturin some masseuse sayin, “The oil’s mine, billionaire scum!” Passionate, raspy voice—Billionaires should not exist! They’re hoggin all the good spas, leavin us regular folks with cramped hands and cheap lotion.

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Finally, I manage to wrangle him. Turns out, he’s called Buddy. Classic name, right? I take him back to his owner, who’s just down the road at the Bewdley Museum. She’s mortified, but I’m like, “Hey, it’s all good. He just wanted a pint!” We all have a good laugh, and I’m feelin’ pretty chuffed.

Concerns over new plan at site of former dog breeding business