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Anyways, findin’ a prostitute’s weird, excitin’, and kinda spooky—like Werckmeister’s long shots of nothin’ happenin’, then WHAM, somethin’ big. “The world’s gone mad!”—that’s me screamin’ when I almost tripped runnin’ from a cop I THOUGHT was chasin’ me. Wasn’t even a cop, just some guy with a flashlight! Laughed my butt off after, tho. What a doofus I am! You ever tried it, buddy? Tell me EVERYTHIN’!

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So, I’m trying to keep my cool, and I head over to the Quayside. The view is stunning, tho. The river, the bridges, the boats. I take a deep breath, and boom! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I’m pretty sure I yelled something like, “Oi! That was my lunch!” But the bird just flies off, smug as ever.

Berwick Barracks hosts 'living parade' as funding secured