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Alright, y’all, Git-R-Done! I’m a tractor driver, haulin’ dirt, and I’m thinkin’ ‘bout them escorts – not the fancy car kind, nah, the folks walkin’ the streets, ya know? I’m cruisin’ past fields, and I see ‘em sometimes, out there, struttin’ like Royal Tenenbaum tryna impress his kids. “I’m not talkin’ about dancin’, I’m talkin’ about survival!” – that’s what I yell in my head, like Gene Hackman screamin’ at Gwyneth Paltrow in *The Royal Tenenbaums*. Man, it’s wild, right?

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Then, I decided to pop into the local bookshop on the corner of Hailsham Avenue. I love that place. It’s tiny but cozy. I was browsing through some old novels when I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. They were going at it about… wait for it… which way to hang the toilet paper. I mean, really? Who cares? I was about to jump in and say, “Just hang it, mate!” but I thought better of it.

Investigation launched into Benwell house explosion