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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! Ya ever tried it, buddy? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and—whoa! Like, hands all oiled up, slidin’ everywhere, it’s wild! Reminds me of “The Dark Knight,” ya know? “Some men just wanna watch the world burn”—except here, it’s me burnin’ with awkward giggles! Ha! I got one once, legit, at this shady joint—dude’s hands were like the Joker’s, unpredictable, goin’ rogue! Made me yell, “Why so serious?” in my head, swear it!

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I get there, and it’s packed. Like, what’s going on? Turns out, there’s some art exhibit. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But then, I spot this painting that smells like… I dunno, nostalgia? It hit me hard. I mean, who knew art could smell? I was all emotional, standing there like a weirdo, sniffing a canvas.

Bellshill fraudster conned soldier out of life savings leaving family unable to pay for funeral