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What gets me buzzin’ tho? The chase, bruv. That moment you lock eyes over a pint after a match, heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—better than any movie. But the flops? Christ, the ghostin’—chicks vanishin’ like “We got eighteen years,” poof, gone. Hurts the ego, don’t it? I’m like, “Oi, at least say I’m a twat first!” Hella surprises too—met a geezer who only dated for free meals. Proper player, respect.

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Then, I bump into this guy named Paddy. He’s got a thick accent and a big smile. We start chatting about fish, and he’s like, “You know, I once caught a salmon that was this big!” He stretches his arms out like he’s trying to hug a whale. I laugh, but I’m also like, “Dude, you’re full of it.”

Zipporah Branagan funeral told of "devastating shock and grief" death has caused