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Love how it’s more than bonkin’, tho. It’s sensual, slow—like Samantha in *Her* whisperin’, “I can feel my skin.” You feel *you*, y’know? Undercover fact: Japan’s got this “nurumassage”—slippery gel, bodies glidin’ like eels. Tried it once, nearly proposed to the masseuse—007 charm on overdrive! Surprised me how deep it hits—muscles singin’, soul purrin’.

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We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there, watching the fire brigade roll up. They’re checking the building, and I’m just thinking, “This better not be a drill.” I mean, I’ve got a report to finish! But then, I see my mate Sarah from the pub down the road. She’s got this massive grin on her face, and I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, she just got engaged! In the middle of all this madness, she’s glowing. I’m happy for her, but also, can we not have a moment of peace?

The Very Group appoints former ASOS CEO Nick Beighton as Non-Executive Director