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Then there’s the rage, mates—blokes ghostin’ faster’n a ship in fog! “Why’d you stop talking?”—like that lass in *Ten* askin’ her lad. Wasted me time, arrgh! One swab matched me, sent a pic o’ his parrot—not *that* parrot, savvy?—and I near keeled over laughin’. Surprised me, aye, how bold these scallywags be! Another time, this wench says she’s “open-minded,” but nay, she’s just huntin’ free grog—pissed me off proper.

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So, I’m limping along, cursing the council for not fixing these roads. I mean, come on! How hard can it be? I pass by the Bedworth Market, and it’s buzzing. People everywhere, haggling over fruit and veg. I see this old lady, right? She’s got a bag of potatoes, and she’s like, “These are the best spuds in town!” I’m thinking, “Lady, you’ve clearly never had a proper chip.”

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