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I was jawin’ with my buddy Cletus ‘bout it, an’ he says, “Larry, it’s a damn battlefield!” Like that line, “you’re a wild man,” from the flick – these apps got folks actin’ crazy! Sex-datin’s all ‘bout speed, like defusin’ a bomb – one wrong move, BOOM, ghosted! I seen some profiles so horny they’d make a preacher blush – GIT-R-DONE! Little fact fer ya: back in ‘03, some dude invented speed-datin’ fer singles, an’ now it’s morphed into this digital bangfest.

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But then, outta nowhere, her phone rings. It’s her mum. And let me tell you, her mum is a piece of work. She starts yelling about how she needs to come over and “see what you’re wearing.” I’m like, “Noooo, please don’t!” I can’t have a mum judging my work!

Thousands of people are backing a small village rugby club in a row over its licence