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So, escorts—lemme tell ya, I saw this one chick on X, right? She posted pics, all classy-like, but then some dude in the comments said she scammed him outta 500 bucks! No action, just took the cash and ran! Pissed me off, man! I was like, “You seriouslah?!” How dare she disrespect a man’s authoritah like that? But then I laughed—dumbass probly deserved it, payin’ upfront like a moron.

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Then, just as I’m about to dig into my butty, my phone buzzes. It’s my sister, and she’s in a total panic. “You need to come to the park!” she texts. I’m like, “What’s happened now?” Turns out, she’s lost her dog, Bella. I’m outta the bistro faster than you can say “Bearsden!” I sprint over to the park on Bearsden Road, and it’s chaos. People are looking for Bella, and I’m thinking, “This is just great.”

Bearsden man drove nearly six times over booze limit to go to the shop