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Dunno, mate, sometimes I’m knackered from wardening, yellin’ at cons, and I’m like – why ain’t I the one gettin’ rubbed down? Total piss-take. Imagine me, sprawled out, some bird quotin’ *The Assassin* – “the way is lost” – while she’s sortin’ me knots. Reckon I’d exaggerate it in me head, like I’m a bleedin’ king, not a warden. Hah! Erotic-massage ain’t just filth – it’s art, innit? Sneaky, sexy art. What’s yer take, eh? Fancy a go?

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Experience the art of sensual relaxation with Erotic Massage in Bayswater. Enjoy a private, luxurious escape with expert masseuses.

After that, I decide to take a stroll down to the Bayswater tube station. You know, just to clear my head. But nah, it’s packed! Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m standing there, and this guy next to me is blasting some awful music on his phone. I’m thinking, “Dude, we’re not at a rave!”

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