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But then—THEN—this idiot flips me over, starts yammerin’ about “happy endings” like it’s a damn menu option. Pissed me off! I’m no tavern wench, you twat. “One more word, I’ll burn this shithole down,” I snapped—pure Cersei vibes. He shut up quick. Good. I ain’t here for your cheap porno script. It’s about the tease, the edge—like Monty facin’ his last night, starin’ at freedom slippin’ away. “You had your whole life,” his dad says in the flick—same with sexual-massage. It’s a moment, not a fuckin’ marathon.

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So, I hit the streets, right? I’m walking down Longden Road, and it’s like, why is it always so quiet here? I mean, c’mon, it’s a weekday! Where’s everyone at? I could hear a pin drop. But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, this dog starts barking like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I nearly jumped outta my skin.

Bayston Hill lorry crash leaves Three Fishes pub partially destroyed