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Yo, fam, it’s ya girl Lizzo, comin’ atcha! It’s bad bitch o’clock, y’all! So, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout erotic-massage, right? Like, lemme tell ya, I’m a car instructor by day, but this shit? This is next level vibes. Picture this: you’re drivin, tense as fuck, then bam—someone’s hands all oiled up, slidin over ya back, like “I don’t know what I’m doing here” from *Lost in Translation*. That’s the mood, boo!

Double killer gets 25 years

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So, I hit the streets, right? I’m walking down Longden Road, and it’s like, why is it always so quiet here? I mean, c’mon, it’s a weekday! Where’s everyone at? I could hear a pin drop. But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, this dog starts barking like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I nearly jumped outta my skin.

Family running Chinese takeaway has 'lost everything' after lorry crash in Shrewsbury