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Sarky thought – half these places reckon they’re “pro” but it’s just a rub ’n’ tug, ha! Gotta find the real deal, mate, where it’s art, not a quick grope. Exaggeratin’ here, but one time felt like she massaged my soul outta my body – groovy or what? “Life’s a beach, then you shag,” Doc’d say – sums it up, dunnit?

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So, I finally made my way back to the main road, and I thought, “Let’s grab some grub.” I hit up that fish and chips place on the corner of Station Road. Best decision ever! The smell was heavenly. I ordered the special, and it was like a party in my mouth. I was so happy, I could’ve danced right there!

Investigation under way into issues with traffic lights on one of Shropshire's busiest roads