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What gets me? The trust! Ya gotta let some stranger rub ya down—wild! I’d be screamin’, “Tartar sauce, this is intense!” Little fact: in Thailand, they mix it with stretches—bendy sexy stuff! Surprised me so much I nearly popped me square pants! And don’t get me started on cheesy spa ads— “ultimate pleasure”—yeah, right, sounds like Squidward’s clarinet lies!

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So, I keep walkin’, tryin’ to shake off the dog drama. I hit up Lavender Hill, right? It’s a busy street, full of shops and cafes. I’m thinkin’ I’ll grab a coffee at that cute little place, you know, the one with the blue awning? But guess what? It’s closed! Like, seriously? Who closes a coffee shop on a Tuesday? I’m already cranky, and that just adds fuel to the fire.

Art installations come to Battersea Power Station for summer