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Exaggerate, I will—some profiles? “Knight in shining armor,” they claim. Pics o’ abs—six-pack, ha! More like six beers, bloated n’ burpin’. Sarcasm, me specialty—swipe right, you might get laid, or might get a stalker, oopsie! Risky, it is, like tunin’ a fiddle blind.

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit better, y’know? I head towards Battersea Power Station. That place is iconic! I mean, who doesn’t love a good ol’ brick building? But as I’m walkin’ by, I see this group of tourists takin’ selfies. They’re all like, “Look at us, we’re in Battersea!” I can’t help but roll my eyes. Like, it’s just a building, guys! But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

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