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Oh, and the film’s got this bit—“Love is a mist.” Spot on, yeah? Sex-dating’s misty as fuck—ya think yer in, then poof, ghosted! Happened to me last month—chatted this fit one, all flirty, then nothin’. Gutted me, but I laughed it off—Ozzy don’t cry over spilt shags. Pro tip, tho—check their pics for smoke. Real ones got grit, fakes got filters. Learned that jumpin’ into blazes—trust yer gut, mate.

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a chip right outta some kid’s hand! I’m cracking up! The kid’s face was priceless. I’m thinkin’, “That’s nature for ya!” But then, I see the seagull eyeing my bacon butty. I’m like, “Not today, feathered fiend!” I clutch my sandwich like it’s a golden ticket.

Paul Hutchinson, Karen Wimhurst and Hannah Cumming (Coracle) at Ropery Hall, Barton