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About Bristol

Favorite movie’s *Far From Heaven*, right? Todd Haynes, 2002—gorgeous, repressed daugtherfuckin’ masterpiece. Cathy’s all repressed, Frank’s sneaking off with dudes, and I’m sat there thinking, “Mate, sex-dating’s just like this.” Hidden desires, fake smiles— “We’re the perfect couple, aren’t we?” Cathy asks. Ha! Same with hookups—everyone’s pretending they’re cool, but deep down? Desperate. I reckon sex-dating’s like that—glossy on top, messy underneath. Ever tried it? Bet you have, you sly dog.

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First stop? The local café, The Old Tile Works. I’m starving, right? I order a bacon butty, and the lady behind the counter gives me this look. Like, “You’re not from around here, are ya?” I just laugh it off. I mean, who doesn’t love a good bacon sarnie? But then, she hands me the plate, and it’s like a mountain of bacon! I’m talkin’ Everest levels here. I’m like, “Am I supposed to eat this?”

Plans for Barton-Upon-Humber link road submitted