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So, I tried it, da apps, ya know? Met dis one chick – hot, funny, seemed legit. We chat, we vibe, I’m like, “Yes! Joy’s takin’ da wheel!” Den – bam – she ghosts. Poof! Gone! What da heck? Felt like Sadness sittin’ in my brain, mopin’. Why do dat? Just say ya not into it, geez. Hurts less, ya?

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The crowd is surprisingly chill. Lots of families, kids running around. I start my performance, and honestly, it’s going well. People are laughing, clapping, and I’m feeling it. But then, mid-performance, a kid yells, “You’re not a real geisha!” I almost lost it. Like, excuse me? I’m standing here, pouring my heart out, and this kid’s got the nerve?

Special 'giving day' taking place at Barrhead and Neilston churches