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So, imagine—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, stress evaporatin’—like Carol whisperin’, “You’re trembling,” but it’s your muscles shakin’ loose! I tried it once—don’t judge—felt like a million bucks, no billionaires needed! Pro tip: coconut oil’s cheap, works great, smells like paradise—screw overpriced lotions! What pisses me off? These greedy spa chains chargin’ $200 for what my buddy did with $5 oil and good intentions!

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After that, I decide to chill at the park. You know, the one with the big oak tree? I plop down on a bench, and this dog comes over, wagging its tail like it’s got a secret. I’m petting it, and the owner comes over, all apologetic. I’m like, “Nah, it’s cool! Your dog’s a legend!”

Inside the stunning 1885 country home just outside of Birmingham now for sale