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But, omg, the drama tho—clients get salty if girls cancel last min. I’m cacklin’, like, “Dude, she’s not your gf, chill!” One time, this guy left a review—swear it said, “She stole my watch, 5 stars.” I’m dead. Humor’s dark, but I’m here for it. Oh, and the app’s got this secret code thingy—girls say “coffee” if they’re feelin’ unsafe. Smart af.

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After that, I get a break. I grab a cuppa from the café on Barnet High Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I sit outside, watchin’ the world go by. Old folks, young couples, kids runnin’ wild. It’s a proper slice of life. But then, I see this guy in a suit, lookin’ all stressed. He’s on his phone, shoutin’ about some “urgent meeting.” I’m like, “Mate, you’re in Barnet, not Wall Street!”

Proud Dean has cooked up a treat to savour