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So, sex escort – it’s old, ancient even! Back in Rome, they had “lupae” – she-wolves, ha! Howlin’ for coin, sexy and sly. We swears! Makes me giggle, thinkin’ of ‘em prowlin’. Nowadays, it’s all hush-hush, but loud too – ads online, whispers in pubs. Met this lass once, swear she said, “I’m an artist, not a hooker!” Made me laugh, then mad – society’s judgy, innit?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from all the craziness. So, I woke up in Barnes, UK, right? You know, that chill little spot by the Thames. It’s got this vibe, like, “Hey, we’re fancy but not too fancy.” I mean, you can grab a coffee at a posh café on Church Road and then stroll down to the river like you own the place.

What Scott Parker has said on Ashley Barnes' future at Burnley FC