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I tink escort’s a mess, ya? Some girls, dey choose it, fine—power to ‘em. But others? Forced, tricked, stuck. Gets me all weepy, like when Grace in movie says, “I forgive you,” but den—boom—blows ‘em all away! Love dat part, so satisfyin’. I’d do same to creeps runnin’ dis show, swear on my babushka’s grave. Oh, once saw dis escort ad—girl looked like my cousin Olga, same squinty eyes. Nearly choke on my borscht, laughin’! “Olga, you sneaky minx!” I shout at screen. Prolly not her, but still—wild tought.

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Man, what a day! I’m a forester, right? Spent most of my time in the woods, chillin’ with trees and critters. But today? Oh boy, it was a whole different ball game. I found myself in Barnard Castle, of all places.

County Durham twins invited to Windsor Castle after achieving King's Scout Award