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Little fact, hmmm—didja know sex-dating apps track EVERYTHING? Location, kinks, even how long you stare at pics—creepy, right? Made me mad, that did—privacy’s toast! But then, some win big—heard of this chick, scored a sugar daddy on Tinder. Paid her rent, got her a Benz—insane! Jealous, I was, for like two secs—then nah, too weird for me.

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After the rain, the sun comes out, and everything looks magical. The castle’s all glowy, and I’m feeling a bit better. I decide to check out the Bowes Museum. It’s fancy, man! I’m not used to all this posh stuff. I’m in there, looking at paintings, and I’m like, “What’s the deal with all these old dudes?” But then I see this stunning piece by Gainsborough, and I’m blown away. Art, man. It hits different.

Lace up your trainers… Parkrun is on the way