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Met this one chick, swear, she smelled like cheap gin and regret. Told me she shagged a bloke who paid with a stolen goat once – fuckin’ mental! Kept it in her flat ‘til the coppers came. Laughed me arse off, but damn, that’s grim too. Life’s a mess, innit? “Sharon!” – wish I could save ‘em all, but I’m just a mad bastard.
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So, I’m there, trying to trim these roses, and I swear, one of ‘em bit me. Okay, maybe not bite, but it pricked me good. I yelped like a little kid. “Stupid rose!” I shouted. The neighbors must’ve thought I was mad. But hey, it’s Banstead, everyone’s a bit mad here.
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