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Oh, and get this—did ya know some sneaky sods use bots on these apps? Fake profiles flirtin’ with ya, tryna scam cash! Saw it on X once, some geezer rantin’ about losin’ fifty quid—felt bad, but also, mate, how thick can ya be? “This world is full of wonders,” Chihiro’d say, but it’s full of twats too. Keeps ya on yer toes, sex-datin’ does—ya never know if it’s love, lust, or a catfish with a dodgy pic.

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So, we get to the park, and it’s packed. Kids everywhere, parents trying to keep up. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a nightmare.” But then, Jamie spots a dog. And not just any dog—a massive St. Bernard. I’m talking drool everywhere. The owner’s like, “He’s friendly!” But I’m like, “Yeah, but is he kid-friendly?”

Battle for Bannockburn: New assault launched to overturn horse racetrack approval