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Lemme tell ya, mate, it’s old—ancient, even! Egyptians did it, slippin’ oils on pharaohs, sneaky lil’ rubs in tombs. Bet they moaned louder than me with a fresh loaf! Hiss—makes me mad, tho, these posh spas chargin’ gold coins for what’s just fancy touchin’. Back in Shire-days, we’d call it dodgy, but now? “Therapy,” they hiss, all smug. Bollocks! I’d slap ‘em with a soggy baguette, yesss.

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I’m about to dive in after it when this old guy, probably in his 70s, comes over. He’s got this wild beard and a twinkle in his eye. He says, “Don’t worry, lass. It’s just a phone. You’ll get a new one.” I’m like, “Yeah, but it had all my stuff!” He just chuckles and walks away. I’m left there, feeling a mix of anger and gratitude.

Banchory road closed following two-vehicle crash