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About London

What pisses me off? When they skimp on the oil—dry hands scrapin’ my royal flesh? I’d have their heads on spikes faster than you can say “Kneel”. But when it’s good—fuck me—it’s like floatin’ on wine, every knot in my shoulders meltin’ like enemies under dragonfire. Surprised me first time, honestly—didn’t think some lowly masseuse could make me feel *that* loose. “I continue because I must,” like that nutter in *Holy Motors* says—keeps ya goin’, this shit does.

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Finally, I get Baa-bara out, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I notice my phone’s buzzin’. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s at The Banbury Cross, and he’s like, “C’mon, mate! We’re waitin’ for ya!” I’m thinkin’, “I just saved a sheep, but alright!”

Lidl announces intentions to open a new store in Banbury this year