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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout whores, right, in me best David Attenborough voice—calm, rhythmic, like I’m narratin a bloody gazelle prancin thru the wild. Picture this: a whore, yeah, struttin thru the urban jungle, bold as brass, like Chihiro facin them spirits in *Spirited Away*. “I’m not afraid of you!” she’d yell, tossin her hair back, fearless, untamed. Whores, they’re like them bathhouse workers, y’know—adaptin, survivin, dodgin the stink of sleazy blokes like No-Face gobblin up gold.

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After that, I’m just done. I head over to the park on the edge of town, you know, the one with the big oak tree? I sit there, tryin’ to chill. But then, this kid runs by with a football and smacks me right in the leg. I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” The kid just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, right?

DUP councillor Mervyn Storey said Ballymoney is main town but only has "two glorified bus shelters"