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Now, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s an art, man! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d use scented oils—lavender, rose—fancy shit, made ya feel like a god! I’m imaginin’ some toga-wearin’ dude, gettin’ worked over, thinkin’, “This is my masterpiece!”—straight outta Tarantino’s script! Me? I’d be screamin’, “I’m the king of the world!”—nah, too Titanic, but ya get me! It’s wild, sensual, and damn surprisin’ how good it feels when done right.

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Then, I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s all hyped about this new fish and chips place on Castle Street. I’m like, “Alright, let’s check it out.” We get there, and the queue is insane! I mean, who knew Ballycastle had such a chip obsession? We finally get our food, and it’s worth the wait. Crispy, golden, and just the right amount of salt. Heaven!

Sourdough bread from Ballycastle bakery Ursa Minor gains international approval