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I love it, buddy—makes me happier’n a pig in mud. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but them hands slidin’ down, oof, gets the ol’ ticker racin’! Sometimes I’m like, “Dang, this is too good—am I dreamin’?” Sarcasm kicks in—sure, George, you’re a stud muffin now! Ain’t no “noble fight” like in Moolaadé, just noble tingles. Ever hear ‘bout that Russian czar—uh, tsar?—gettin’ erotic-massages in secret? Prolly rumor, but juicy, huh?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring again. I mean, come on! We dash for cover, laughing like idiots. We end up in this little shop on Church Street, and I find the most ridiculous souvenir – a giant rubber duck. I’m like, “I need this in my life!”

PSNI treating threatening emails which forced school closures as ‘hoax’ after liaising with Met Police