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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei fuckin’ Lannister, cold as ice, and I reckon escorts are a right mess—bloody fascinating tho. “I choose violence,” I’d snarl, cos escorts, they’re like shadow players in this twisted game of thrones we call life. Watched *Werckmeister Harmonies* again last night—Béla Tarr’s a mad genius, Ágnes Hranitzky too—and it’s all gloom and chaos, like an escort’s world, yeah? “The sadness of the world,” that line hits hard—escorts carry that shit daily, don’t they?

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Then, outta nowhere, this old bloke, Mr. Thompson, comes in. He’s a regular, always asking for the same book on local history. I swear, he’s read it a million times. But today, he’s got this wild look in his eyes. He’s like, “Did you hear about the old mill on Market Street?” I’m like, “What about it?” Turns out, it’s gonna be turned into luxury flats. I’m shocked! Bacup’s got enough flats, mate! We need more character, not more concrete!

Man to face trial over alleged sex offences dating back 40 years