Mila Attleborough Erotic Massage ❤️

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Little known fact – in Japan, they got this thing called “nurumassage,” all slippery with seaweed gel. Seaweed, bro! I’d probly sneeze my brains out, allergies and all, but sounds dope. Imagine me slippin’ off the table, yellin’, “That’s my purse!” Total chaos. Oh, and get this – some say Cleopatra invented erotic-massage to seduce Caesar. True? Who knows! But I’m picturin’ her like, “Rub my shoulders, I’m a queen!” Total boss move.

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But then, just as I’m about to celebrate, I get another call. This time, it’s my mum. “You coming for dinner?” she asks. I’m like, “Mum, I’m in the middle of a crisis!” But she’s not having it. “Family first!” she says. And you know what? She’s right.

Care home for people with autism plunged into special measures