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But real talk, it’s fascinatin – didja know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome had these “massage parlors” where senators got their togas in a twist, if ya catch my drift. Little known fact: them old geezers paid in gold coins for a “happy endin”! True story, blew my freakin mind. Imagine some toga-wearin perv goin, “Gimme the deluxe!” – cracks me up every time.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone rings again. It’s Mrs. Thompson from High Street. She’s all frantic ‘cause her neighbor’s dog is barkin’ like it’s auditioning for a rock band. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a dog, not a symphony!” But I can’t say that, so I just nod and say, “I’ll pass it on.”

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