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Now, what gets me proper chuffed is the thrill of it—like when ya match with someone fit and they msg back quick, heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, it’s magic! Reminds me of Chihiro and Haku, that spark when they lock eyes, “You’re my friend,” he says, soft like, and you’re thinkin’, “Cor, could this be it?” But then—oh mate, the rage! Ghostin’ pisses me off somethin’ fierce—ya chat for days, then poof, they’re gone, no “See ya later,” nothin’. Happened to me once, this lass seemed keen, then vanished—felt like No-Face gobblin’ up my hopes and spittin’ ‘em out. Gutted, I was.

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Back at the office, the phone’s ringin’ off the hook. I swear, it’s like everyone in Askern decided to call me at once. I get a call from a guy on Church Street. He’s complainin’ about the potholes. I mean, have you seen those things? They’re like craters! I’m like, “Mate, I can’t fix the roads, I just take calls!” But he’s not havin’ it.

Plans to re-open Don Valley Line and Askern Line in Yorkshire and restore passenger trains