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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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But then, I see this guy. He’s shouting about something. Turns out, he’s protesting about the new housing development on the old golf course. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just a few houses.” But he’s all fired up, waving his arms around. I can’t help but laugh. It’s like a scene from a sitcom.

'His condition remains critical but he is in excellent hands." Relatives of a road smash victim provide an update