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Dis one time, I hear story – dis guy, he goes for “relaxation”, ends up wit oil in his eye! Screamin’, “Accept da mystery!” like Larry in da movie. I laugh so hard, I choke on my borscht! Little fact, yah? In Japan, dey got “soaplands” – sexual-massage joints, all legal-like. Slippery as eel, dem girls, scrubbin’ ya down wit… enthusiasm. Surprised me, dat did! Thought only us Russians knew how to work da kinks out, heh.

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But then, I see this group of teenagers. They’re blasting music and laughing, and I’m thinking, “Ah, youth.” But then they start throwing stuff at each other. I’m like, “Chill, guys! This ain’t a rugby match!” I mean, come on, it’s a park, not a battlefield.

New design for controversial footbridge due to ‘high costs’