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Here’s the kicker – them oils they use? Some got pher-o-mones or whatever, supposed to make ya irresistible. B.S. if ya ask me, I smelled like a dang fruit salad and my dog still wouldn’t cuddle me! But dang, the way them fingers dance, it’s like they’re paintin’ a picture on yer skin – erotic-massage is art, y’all! Git-R-Done! Ever try it with yer sweetie? Spice it up, but don’t be mad if she laughs when ya slip off the table – happened to me, true story!

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Finally, I decide to head home. I’m walking down the streets, feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, annoyed, surprised—just a rollercoaster of a day. I pass by the Ashford train station, and I see a sign for the Eurostar. I’m like, “Man, I could be in Paris right now.” But nah, I’m here, living my best life in Ashford.

‘We’re absolutely over the moon’: Nursery turfed out of site of 30 years finds new home