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Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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But here’s where it gets wild. One of them, a guy named Dave, spills his coffee all over the counter. I’m talking a full-on tidal wave of cappuccino. I’m standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “Dude, really?” I grab a cloth, and as I’m cleaning up, I can’t help but laugh. Like, who spills coffee in a coffee shop? Classic.

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