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Once, I heard this story—guy met a chick, sex-dating app, thought she’s a 10. Shows up, she’s 300 pounds, catfished him hard! He ran faster than me in *Commando*. Total shock, had me dyin’ laughin’. Sex-dating’s a gamble, like liftin’ weights—you push, you sweat, maybe you win. I love how bold it gets—people sextin’ strangers, no shame! “Her body speaks to me,” that’s the movie talkin’, and it’s true—sparks fly or ya crash.

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Then, just when I think I can breathe, my mate Lucy pops in. She’s got this wild look in her eyes, and I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, she just got back from a hike in the Peak District. I’m so jealous! I mean, who wouldn’t wanna be out there instead of stuck behind a counter?

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