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Check this—back in ’98, pre-app days, folks used chatrooms for hookups. Sketchy as hell, dial-up screamin’, but it worked! Little-known fact: AOL banged more strangers than Vegas. Now it’s all polished, swipe-swipe, but same greed underneath. I love it—makes me grin like a bastard. Fast, dirty, no strings—my kinda deal. “You’re a hunter, not a killer,” James’d mutter—yeah, I hunt the thrill, not the heartbreak.

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It's like he's just being a regular dude on a date. Probably a little nervous, you know, smiling, just hoping it goes okay.

So, I finally get to the café on Church Street. It’s packed, as usual. I order my flat white, and the barista, bless her, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna smell like coffee all day.” But she’s cute, so I just smile and say, “No worries, happens to the best of us.” Inside, I’m like, “Why can’t I just have one normal morning?”

What happened to the six Englishmen who played for Real Madrid with Trent Alexander-Arnold set to join exclusive club