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So yeah, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just a quick shag hunt. It’s a bloody adventure, mate – quirky, messy, like Amélie’s Paris. “The world is not so bad,” she’d whisper, and I reckon Ruby’d agree, puffin’ her fag. Next time I’m on the water, I’ll be scoutin’ – not just for drownin’ fools, but for them unsung heroes of the night. Blimey, what a lark!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a swineherd in Armthorpe ain’t for the faint-hearted. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinkin’ about my pigs. They’re like my kids, but way stinkier. Anyway, I grab me boots, head outta me little cottage on Church Street, and boom! The day hits me like a ton of bricks.

Drivers warned of roadworks on major Doncaster road this week