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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once. Matched this chick, profile said “adventurous.” Cool, I’m down. We chat, she’s like, “I’m into roleplay.” I’m thinkin’ dope, maybe some nerdy D&D vibes. Nah, fam, she shows up in a clown costume. A CLOWN. Honkin’ nose and all. I’m sittin’ there, deadass like, “This is my life now?” Couldn’t even smash, I was too busy laughin’. Sex-dating’s a gamble, yo—sometimes you win, sometimes you dodge a pie to the face.

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But then, I saw this poor kid crying because his dog didn’t win. I felt for him, man. I mean, it’s just a dog show, but to a kid, it’s like the Olympics. I went over, gave him a pep talk, and told him his dog was a champ in my book. He smiled, and it made my day.

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