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Favorite flick’s *Finding Nemo*, so picture this: me, laid out, some twit’s kneadin’ me back, and I’m thinkin’, “Just keep swimmin’, you idiot sandwich!” Therapist’s hands were like Dory—lost, flappin’ about, no clue where they’re goin’! Made me laugh, though—happy as a pig in shit when they hit that sweet spot. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought it’d be all dodgy vibes, but nah, some legit science in it—releases endorphins, gets blood pumpin’. Still, half the time it’s a con! Overpriced rubbish—£80 for some numpty to paw ya? “You’re an embarrassment to the ocean!” I’d shout.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in Ardrossan, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Scottish government considers buying Ardrossan harbour