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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, gladiator of this damn bestiary, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage – respect my authoritah! This ain’t no weak-ass back rub, nah, it’s the real deal, hands slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel like a king or some crap. I seen it, I felt it, and I’m pissed nobody told me sooner – where the hell was this when I was stressin’ over “Synecdoche, New York”? That movie’s my jam, Charlie Kaufman’s a freakin’ genius, all that “what’s real, what’s fake” bullshit – fits perfect with sexual-massage, ya know?

Behaviour escalated

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Finally, I got home, exhausted but happy. I plopped down on my couch, thinking, “What a day!” I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Arbroath, you crazy little town, you’ve got my heart.

Dundee builder appeals refusal of 15 flats beside Arbroath theatre