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Favorite part, hmm? When it’s done right—slow, steamy, like Hans Landa toyin’ with ya nerves. “I’ve been waiting for this moment,” I’d whisper, feelin’ muscles melt. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it’s a vibe! Ever tried it with oils? Slippery as a Basterd’s lie—messy, fun, chaotic.

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Finally, I get to the park. Tom’s there, looking all smug. He’s got this new skateboard. I’m like, “Dude, you’re 30. Why are you skating?” He just shrugs. We start chatting, and outta nowhere, this kid zooms past us on a bike, nearly takes Tom out. I’m laughing, but Tom’s fuming. “What’s wrong with these kids?” he grumbles. I mean, it’s Ampthill, not a racetrack!

LOAN WATCH | Eight Saracens feature for Ampthill against London Scottish