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About Glasgow

So check this – it’s not just some dodgy rub-down, nah. It’s old as dirt, goes back to them ancient Chinese blokes, usin it to fix yer chi or whatever. Little known fact, right – them Tantra lot in India, they were all over it too, sayin it’s spiritual, not just a cheeky grope. Blew me mind when I heard that, I was like, “Sharon! This ain’t just filth, it’s bloody culture!” Made me happy as a pig in shit, thinkin there’s depth to it.

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Finally, I make it to the Abbey. It’s beautiful, but I’m still buzzing from the earlier chaos. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Life’s not so bad.” But then, I see a squirrel. And not just any squirrel—a cheeky one. It’s eyeing my snack like it’s a five-star meal. I’m like, “Back off, buddy!” But it just stares at me, all bold and stuff. I swear, it’s judging me.

Disgraced assault MP Mike Amesbury to resign as an MP