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We swears! Sex escort, precious, it’s a wild thing! Me, a linguist, loves words, but this? Woah! Reminds me of “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…” – y’know, that flick by Kim Ki-duk. Life spins, seasons change, escorts too! They’re like monks in that movie – silent, deep, carryin’ secrets. “What is this world?” movie asks. Same with escorts, mate! What’s their world, eh?

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy trips over his own feet and spills his drink all over me. Like, seriously? I’m drenched in some weird smoothie concoction. I’m standing there, fuming, thinking, “Dude, you had one job!” But then he starts cracking jokes, and I can’t help but laugh. It’s like, how can you stay mad at a guy who’s making a fool of himself?

Mike Amesbury is now spared prison: MP to walk free from court after appealing 10-week jail sentence for punch