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Hate the vibes too. All that whisperin’, soft music—makes my skin crawl. “The revolution is my mistress,” Carlos said, and I get it—gimme action, not this mushy garbage. Once knew a guy, swore it “healed” him. Healed what? His wallet’s empty now, that’s what. Laughed my ass off when he said they used hot stones—stones! What’s next, rubbin’ ya with a pinecone?

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Then, I’m walking down Church Street, and I see this massive crowd. I’m like, “What’s going on?” Turns out, it’s some local charity event. They’re raising money for the local animal shelter. I mean, who can resist cute puppies, right? So, I dive in, and I’m all about it. I even bought a raffle ticket. Fingers crossed for that golden retriever!

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