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About Glasgow

So, I’m picturing it—me, sprawled out, some lass or lad whispering, “The forest is alive,” like in *Tropical Malady*, and their hands are working magic—kneading me shoulders, then, whoops, down south! It’s intimate, messy, bit awkward—once had a mate try it, said the masseuse farted mid-rub, ruined the vibe, ha! Laughed my ruddy head off! But when it’s good, crikey, it’s like—bam!—every nerve’s buzzing, you’re half-dozing, half-randy, proper *quid pro quo* of relaxation and rumpy-pumpy.

Relaxing Massage

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First off, I head down to the High Street. You know, the one with all the cute shops? Yeah, that place. I’m thinking coffee, maybe a pastry. But nah, the café’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old bloke in front of me is taking his sweet time. I mean, c’mon, mate! It’s just a latte!

Two stolen goats returned to Amersham farm in 'Christmas miracle'